i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I am spending my child support on dildos
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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