tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
