Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
