he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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