And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just pee around me
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
