it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
