Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
worst night to have a conscience
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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