I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
