4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
