it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
