i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
