Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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