He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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