This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
