how hairy? two words: wookie tits
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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