I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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