She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
