this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
