Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
