Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
