i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
