piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I need water and some morals
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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