I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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