You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
