is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
