did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
