I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
