no, he came in my armpit
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Randomize
