I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
