I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
