You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
