Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
