I'm going to jail i love you
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
