she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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