She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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