How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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