I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
