Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
