my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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