please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
