Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
