U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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