You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
please come you make the beer taste better
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he just fucked me for my cheese.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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