I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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