No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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