Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
