did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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