i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
