He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
