So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
